hey dude



sorry ive been so out of touch!! the "beach" house in EW is just so awesome! No internet, no TV, no nothing!anyway, im at the library right now.. i dont really know what to write. im having fun


so on thursday night i moved out of the house and into ryans apt. which is so, so sweet! 
on friday we watched a documentary about manta rays, on saturday we filmed some scenes for zachs final project for film school (its going to be so sweet!). spent the afternoon in engle, and later on we went to a show downtown. 
on sunday, me & r spent the day at his parents house and at different music stores. had sushi and went to a bbq at the apocalypse house later at night. SWEET WEEKEND!


Friday: Me & R hung out with Zach and Dean, we went to 1st Friday art walk and then to the Lion's Lair -- Stuart had his 1st show with Hindershot, Old Radio which he's also in played too. Then we headed back to Engle.
Saturday: We got up pretty early, got some coffee and then did a little exploring on Colorado Heights Uni. Campus.. Then went to the downtown library, got some documentaries (Monster Fish of the Congo, The Barrier Reef, Tibet and some crappy one about natural wonders in Europe) and a Wurlitzer CD, haha. Then, we went to the Nature & Science, got tickets for the IMAX - Arabia. Went and had lunch and then got back just in time for the documentary. WHICH WAS AWESOME, I'm so into Arabia right now. After that I think we went back to Englewood and Ryan played some with Ned and I painted. I'm doing this little universe-hell-flower-painting which is turning out pretty cool.
Later on we went to King Soopers and bought ingredients to make soup. We put fish, scallops, carrots, rice noodles, broccoli, mango, pepper, and... I don't know, so many things in it. Then we watched the documentaries. Then we went to bed.
Sunday - easter! 
Got up at like 9.30, planning on going to church but didn't make it out of the house in time. Went to the Highlands Ranch to R's parent's house to pick up some easter food they got for him. Back to the house -- more music playing and painting. Then the three of us drove to Denver, to Stuart's house. Picked him up, went to Safeway and bought stuff to bring to a bbq we were heading for. Went to Lucas' house, picked him up. Went to King Soopers to get more food for the bbq. Went to Wash. Park and hung out in the sunshine -- we were about 15 ppl, throwing frisbee, baseball, making burgers, brats and dogs. When the golden hour was upon us, we gathered our belongings and headed back to the Woods! More music and painting! The end!

There are no words for this.

Camping was awesome. Sleeping in the back of an x-terra was uncomfortable and would have been unbearably cold if I had not shared the sleeping bag with a super hot R :) Haha. We spent Thursday hiking along the Colorado River (which starts behind their house in the mtns and also is the river in Grand Canyon) and up a canyon, and Friday on a sandstone mountain in the middle of some plains tucked between a couple of canyons (no, I can never explain how beautiful any of it was). From that mountain you could see super far in every direction, until a red wall rose out of the ground. You could see places that had sunshine, places that had rain and places that had little tornadoes whirling around. I have seen a real tornado!!!
Saturday was spent driving home, at night the guys played music and me and Diana painted. On Sunday I hung out with Diana all day (b-fast at Panera Bread, went to target, went to the crafts store, went to her apt and had a little crafts party, making t-shirts). Then she and Stu took me to R's house again and then they headed for the mtns. Me & R went to Walmart, got chicken nuggets that we made for dinner. 
Monday night was spent at the Hi-Dive, APTR played. It was probably the last time I saw them play... 
Last night me and Ryan painted some more on the walls and played the Funmachine. Tonight is cooking night.
I've applied for schools in Stockholm now, too.

We're off!

Me, Ryan, Zach & Dean are now hitting the road! There's been a change of plans and we're not heading for Yellowstone anymore, but for Utah (Moab, random nat'l parks, DESERT!!!!). I'm sure we're more than well equipped for an epic journey. We will be camping... Yes, folks -- Eva is going camping. 

happy happy

When I got off work on Friday, Ryan picked me up and while we were in the car he surprised me by telling me about an activity he'd prepared for the evening. We got back to the house, hung out for a while, made dinner and then we got in the car again and headed for King Soopers. Right about then Fred called me which made me so happy! He'd just gotten back home from celebrating being done with his military service. So we were talking and he started being all mysterious and I suddenly thought of another convo we had about a year and four months ago..the conversation in which we decided to go to Illinois/Wisconsin/Minnesota together. I remember it clearly, I was on the "Avenue" in Gothenburg, shopping.. Whatever. THE GUY IS FLYING TO AMERICA TOMORROW. To Florida, though... But it's still awesome, and also, my cousin and her bf will be in Vegas in a couple of days too! I think it's so cool that 3 people from my other life is going to be in the same country as me for a while :) I miss my family and my few friends on the other side of the old Atlantic so much! I'll see you soon enough though ;)
Um, back to... Oh yes, I was at King Soopers with Ryan to buy stuff we would need for the evening (O.J. and chocolate being two of the things) and on the phone at the same time with Fred. Uh, I guess that was that. We hung up and me and R went back to join Ned at the house. Morgan came over, and so did Stuart & Diana. It turned into a pretty late night, although an amazing one.
In the morning (or around noon I guess) we all went out for breakfast. Bfast burritos, scrambled eggs, fruit and pancakes high and low. And coffe. Awesome American Coffee.
After that, we all got scattered. Morgan and Ned went back to the house, Stuart and Diana went back downtown and me and Ryan took a walk to the cinemas and saw Alice In Wonderland. I really liked it! Probably because I don't really know the story, so I couldn't tell what was "wrong". Anyway, when it was over we walked to Target and picked up some stuff to make dinner with. Ned picked us up and we went back home and made pasta. And for the rest of the night me and R just hung out, moved the projector into his room so we could watch a movie (American Beauty although I fell asleep halfway through) on the wall lying in bed. 
Sunday... Sunday funday -- what did we do? OH! We woke up pretty late, went out to lunch with Ryans parents and he got one of his tires fixed because there was a nail in the old one. After saying bye to his folks, we went shopping for a new straightening iron for my stupid hair. I got the perfect one in the end, after searching and giving up. We went to a ton of stores and I didn't find one that would fulfill my req's and fit my budget so I gave up and we went to sit down at Borders to look at some books to try to decide where we should go this week. Our final options came down to the White Sands, the Grand Canyon or Yellowstone. Then on our way out of the mall we walked by this beauty store and we went inside just to look real quick and the 1st thing I see is the iron I wanted, on sale! God, I love the universe and everything so much sometimes.
On our way back to Englewood we stopped in at King Soopers and got supplies to make cake. Went back to the house and made a 4 tier Swedish style cake with 2 different kinds of cake in it (lemon and pineapple), chopped strawberries and banana custard between the layers and then we covered the whole thing with cream and whole strawberries. YEP!
A little too late (cake took a long time to make....) we got into the car and drove to a friends house -- they have this potluck thing every Sunday - everyone brings a dish - and it was real fun. Tons of food, tons of people.
We ended the night in E-wood, the guys played some music (I even played a little keyboard w them!) and I did some drawing.
Today has been an awesome day too, me & Gido went to Target for some shopping in the morning, then Juicy came home and him and I made cupcakes because it's Gil's b-day today. Blueberry ones! We made a card too.. Then Phil came home and I went to pick up Des and we went to another Target (haha) and got some candy and then headed to Ryan's house where Des finally got to look at all the artwork on the walls I've been talking about and he even contributed himself -- he painted the solar system! :) :)


i love my life

i had such an amazing weekend (again, i know). all the time it seems like things CANNOT get any better, any more wonderful.. and then it does. unfortunately i dont have time to write about it right now but stay posted, mom.. ;)
oh, and on wednesday we're most probably hitting the road for a couple of days. yellowstone nat'l park!

Sex song!

So it might not be suitable for minors.. I don't know, it's actually probably ok
This "song" is just an improv they did before starting to play, totally random. Didn't want to put up one of their "real" songs yet, not without asking so yeah.

Vido (Video + Gido)

Guys, come on..

Did everyone stop reading when I stopped uploading pics? Well.. There was some picture taking and video shooting during this weekend, so in time I'll put that up here.. Right now, I'm going to write about it. So I can write a book later and not worry about not remembering things that I might want to include.
So, this weekend.. On Friday, me R and Ned hung out at Stuart's house for a lil bit, then went to pick up some new drumsticks for R at guitar center. When that was done, we headed for Englewood!! The guys played music (THEY. ARE. SO. GOD. DAMN. AWESOME and speaking of I'm going to upload something to YT right now actually or no, later) and I did some painting which according to me turned out pretty sweet. Oh, actually I did a little bit of playing too -- TAMBOURINE!! Haha, at about half-time, Stuart asked; what time is it? Ned was like; uhh I don't know Stu; find out a way to get the time! And after that we all started jamming and played like a 6 minute song or something with these as the only lyrics; find out a way, find out a way to get the time :) It was awesome!
On Saturday we all woke up to SUNSHINE and joy. We skated (uh, I walked and I guess they called what they did "shredding" and not skating but they were on skateboards so I don't get it..) down to 7eleven and got delicious coffee. Back to the house where Ned made french toast and potatoes. After the delish bfast we hung out in the sun, they played music, I read a little in a book (mythology!).. It was all good. Later on, we went to Goodwill and after that the Exotic Bird Store and after that we had lunch at Costco (sample lunch! <3). Went home and me and Ryan gathered our stuff and headed for the city to pick up some more of my stuff at my house and then to pick up Zach, Dean and their 2 friends that are visiting from Jersey. We hit the highway and started our drive up into the mountains. At around 8 we arrived in Grand Lake where some of the others made guac & chips and a weird casserole with everything edible we could find in it. Then, we spent the rest of the evening stargazing (it was so clear out and up in the mtns there are not as many lights as in the city), chillin, listening to music, making Jiffy Pop, lying by the fireplace. Yep, it was a good night. R & Z had work to to early in the morning, filming snow boarders in Winter Park so they didn't get many minutes of sleep, ha ;) The rest of us slept in and when we finally got up spent the morning just DRINKING COFFEE and hanging out.
R & Z came back, we cleaned after us and then hit the road again. It had started snowing pretty hard and the drive down from the mtns was pretty gnarly. Semis on the side of the road, in the ditch but also just to the side of the road having stopped to put on their snow chains in the blizzard. Also saw an SUV that had ended up in the (SNOW COVERED) grass in that little space between the West- and East-going lanes. After hours and hours of driving we finally came back to Denver and that's the end.
And yeah, I changed my mind about the pics and vids. It's all coming up.

Crazy, crazy. Madness, madness. Mad as a hatter. Mercury.

1. It's starting to get on my nerves not having a computer. Why? Because I have pictures I want to edit (for fun!!! I'm not talking retouching) and I would really like to back up the stuff that's on the memory card that's in my camera. I have external hd's but they're not compatible with Mac's, and Mac's are all I'm using right now. Everyones got themmm heyyyyyySonjamylove.. You don't have a stupid Mac... :):) We'll talk. Haha.
2. I'm panicking. Here's the deal - I live in Denver. My life is in America. I work here, I have a family here, I have my friends here. I'm happy here. I love this culture and this state of mind. I know this city (and a couple of other ones too) now, and this city and the relatively new people in my life has made me dare to start getting to know myself. I'm SAFE here.
Then there's Sweden. I've stopped seeing my return as me GOING BACK, because I'm not going back to anything. I'm someone else than I was when I left and everyone there is too and the place has also changed, I'm sure. So in that way I'm not going BACK. I'm going to Sweden for a while and I'm excited for it.
BUT. There's always the but. In Sweden, I also have a family (an amazing one and I miss every single one of you SO, SOOOO much, don't EVER think otherwise), just like in America. What I do not have is a job. I don't have a social life like I do here, not even close. Not even remotely close. I do not like many of the ways of the Swedish society and not the mentality either.
Am I coming through to anyone here? I'm trying really hard not to use strong, inappropriate words when writing about this stuff, but it's really hard because I honestly do feel FUCKED. I'm sorry.
Well Eva, so what if you don't have what you have in America in Sweden -- you built your life here in less then a year so why can't you just do it all over again there? You obviously got it in you.
Yeah, I got it in me to do it here, in English. Shit, I had no intention whatsoever of writing that. In ENGLISH? Like wtf is she talking about? But I just realized that it's so true, though. When I'm in America, surrounded by English and am therefore forced to speak, think and write in that language - I truly do turn into someone else. I turn into someone that is somewhat more like the person I really want to be. Yeah. 
Sweden and Swedish makes me gray, insecure, socially handicapped and pessimistic. At least that's what it feels like. Dude am I just writing down things I should be keeping to myself? I don't know. I honestly don't.
So what I was going to write before I started ranting about the English language was that YES I got it in me to do all of that, but I don't want to do that in Sweden. And I also realize how moronic that sounds. But it's a feeling... I DON'T WANT TO BE THERE, and I'm sorry it is that way because there's a bunch of people that I love living (and probably staying) there. I do want to WANT to be in Sweden. But that's not the case. I want to be in America and I want to be American on paper and not only in my heart and mind.
Jesus, this is so corny I just have to stop. Moving on.
3. I just watched this blog-talkshow (yeah, I know it probably sounds nuts to American ears but blogging is so crazy in Sweden, you can almost compare it to like.. I don't know, the movie business but in a smaller scale of course) where a blogger (one of the most famous ones) said that if she would have to choose to keep one of her "jobs" or whatever (she's designing shoes and clothes, working for MTV and so on, too) she would choose to keep her blog because she loves WRITING. I do think that that girl seems really nice and all, but when she said that I just.. I was like.. Wha -- You um.. You love to write? That's what you call your blogging business? WRITING? 
Yeah, it literally is writing but it's not WRITING, I feel like. More like documenting. 
So what am I trying to say? Well, it made me think about my own blogging. Because lately I've been really into it, and I've been thinking about it as WRITING. For I do feel like what I'm doing is writing. I'm thinking about how I write things, how I want someone to portrait it, what feeling/s I want to deliver (that's not the right word, I just know it. It's convey, isn't it? Whatever.). But then again I, like her, write about what I've done during the day. Or what I'm going to do one or fifty days from now. It's all about me, my life and my thoughts -- just like her blog, in a way.
And thinking about that.. Coming to that realization just really, really.. Brought me down. I've been wanting to write books. I want to write about .. the things I write about right now. I could see myself constantly traveling, staying in each city/place for no more than 2 years or so and then just write about it. Comparing places/cultures.. Damn, my mind would be such a lonely place. But hell, it already is. I have two, practically completely separate lives, me being the only only real connection between them. What's mindblowing is that that goes for so many people. There must be others who have 3, 4, 5 separate lives like this. AND IT'S SO CRAZY!! It's so heartbreaking! 
Oh damn it, we're all citizens of the world and we all live on this tiny little planet together. What's there to fuss and complain about, really? Sometimes I just wish I could give myself a talk. Like after writing something like this. Get your shit together, girl.

what is ... ?

Sonja came with me to Englewood and cooking night yesterday!! That made me super happy. 
When I woke up this morning I felt like.. NOOOOOO I DON'T LIKE THIS DAY (we all have those days, don't we?) and I was lying there, dreading the moment when I had to get out from under my covers and then R calls, just as if he knew.. And since then I've had an awesome day :) The sun is out.. I did my laundry yesterday so I have tons of clean clothes.. It's warm.. Tomorrow is Friday.. YEP.


Are they not crazy?
This morning, I was thinking about the grandparents in New York. They're awesome and I miss them, and I wondered if they would be coming to Denver anytime again before I leave on my indefinite trip. Just now, I talked to Gil (I had forgotten to ask my question from earlier) and she mentioned that they were coming -- on Thursday!!
I can come up with one more coincidence just now; lately I've really realized how good I think dark hair looks on people. Dark brown.. Or just brown. I've been thinking about dying mine like I did once before but every time that thought pops up I go like nahh... I didn't feel good in it last time and just let nature do what natures gotta do, Eva. If you're light haired - then be light haired. Haha and so now to the funny part -- my hair is totally getting darker by the week I feel like.
Isn't it so funny? I cut my hair not too many weeks ago actually... As a treat for making it through the 10 days of cleansing. Speaking of -- I want to do it again, I felt so amazing afterwards. Well, that's a big decision I'm not going to make now. 
Alright, sidetracked once again. I'm so inspired lately, my imagination is like flourishing and I got so many ideas.. Oh, by the way (I just thought of this because it's hurting right now), last Wednesday at cooking night (we get together a bunch of people and cook at Ryan's and Ned's on Wednesdays. Pot stickers and chicken pot pie for example), we were making pot stickers (YET AGAIN, I know, we made them like 5 times) and we were using shitty won ton wrappers from Target (you get the real deal in Chinatown and f - there are parentheses after every darn sentence I write!) -- I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'm WRITING ANYMORE I JUST GET SO SIDETRACKED!!! Ok, let me reread this and see if I get it.. RIGHT, we were making the pot stickers. With shitty wrappers. My job is usually to fry them while Ryan folds them, that night was no exception. We were low on oil that night too (Zach was making tempura which was soo delish, he made it with different things like avocado, egg plant, buffalo meat, carrots..), so instead of throwing away the oil I was using after each batch, I saved it and reused it so that Zach would have enough oil. After frying up one of the batches, I was just going to pour the oil into the designated bowl and as I tilted the pan I accidentally put my pinky under the pan!!! OWWWWWWWWWWWW and I could like really feel it burning too, how my flesh burnt away.. Uhhh going to sleep that night was so horrible, after melting away all the ice cubes I brought with me to my room before going to bed, my finger still hurt SOOOO bad I just wanted to SCREAM.
Dude, I need to take my writing to the next level. I had this idea the other day, that I would go to school for writing, and probably in English or maybe if I do it in Sweden then study writing and English or maybe you can study writing and journalism in English there.. Hmm. OHOHOHOO I think I just got the next like 6 years of my life figured out..!
Don't you think me and a laptop would create awesome things together in Scotland? Oh I just see myself sitting by the window with the rain pouring outside.. I hear someone speaking with a crazy accent in the distance, too..
When I started writing I was really planning on not FREAKING OUT AND WRITING LIKE THIS, which is just sooo funny because I feel like that's exactly how people are raised in Sweden -- keep calm, quiet and don't freak out or exaggerate even the slightest. Well hey, I think America is getting to me for real. Do you think I exaggerate all the time? I don't. I think I express exactly the right amount of emotion almost all the time. But sometimes, YoU jUsT cAnT mAkE PEOPLE UNDERSTAND HOW HAPPY AND cRaZy YOU FEEL BY COMMUNICATING WITH LETTERS!!!!!!!!!111one11111111111 Ohhhhh ffffffff, that's what a talented writer do, though! Make people feel really strongly about things when reading about them or yeah just CAPTURING the reader. Of course that's what good writers do, by the way. I knew that. But see! COINCIDENCE!! 
Life is so brilliant. And so crazy. The way things turn out.. I wish I could pour my heart out here, more than what I already do. I have so many awesome stories to tell, you have no idea. My life is and has been so awesome when you look at it, really. And it's so cool that you make your own fortune. I truly believe that you do.
But then again, when things go bad one can always take comfort in that what happened and is happening was always going to happen. There was never going to be another outcome of anything. Only one thing can happen in each case and yeah in the end there is only one thing happening, right? Do you get what I'm saying? Like, even if you're super insecure about dying your hair on the 8th of March, 2010 -- at the end of the day you will or will not have dyed your hair.
God, am I just going nuts here? I still think I'm doing something good for me here, though. I could be watching TV for example, but instead I'm writing in my second language, practicing and all of that. 
But despite that, I think I'm going to end this here. I just wrote 3 additional paragraphs after posting the original post.. So there you go. I'll be reading this later or tomorrow or whenever and be like what the... Eva... You're crazy.. but hey here's an interesting thing... And then start writing another post just like this. Actually I just remembered I used to keep a journal on an old laptop where I wrote kind of like this, just wrote down whatever was on my mind but even more personal than how I'm writing here since I was the only designated reader.

Wkd report

I can't believe it's Sunday night again. The weeks fly by and the weekends are not nearly long enough. I just finished my dinner, pasta and am now just enjoying everything. I feel so good it's incredible. I've kind of learnt to control my thoughts to a greater extent than I could before and sometimes now when I feel bad thoughts creeping up on me I can avert them. Awesome, awesome..
Oooh I got this song stuck on my mind, I wish I had it on my iPod and could listen to it... It's one of R & N's songs that I just LOVE. They're all awesome but this particular one is just so badass. Haha! :)
Okok, so this weekend. Friday night I watched a movie (Coraline), which was really good! Then R picked me up and we went to Englewood and continued our Sharpie-drawing in the kitchen. It's turning out so amazingly awesome, you have no idea.
Saturday we woke up kind of late, showered and got ready and headed to Diana's place downtown. There we all (me, Ryan, Diana & Stuart) had this AWESOME brunch that Stuart cooked.  Eggs in a basket with cheddar on top, sausage and avocado. We sat outside in the courtyard eating, talking and seriously that was the best morning/brunch-thing I've ever experienced, I think. Yep, in fact the whole morning was mindblowing. It's March and we've been spending so much time outside this wkd because it's soo warm! SPRING!
Ned came by and we all walked to the art museum (first Saturdays of the month is free!) and looked at the Embrace-exhibit again. It's so mindblowing.
Then we started making our way back, stopped along the way for philly cheesesteaks. Once back in the car, we headed to Z's house and hung out there for a while and then started to make our way back to E-wood. We made yet another stop at Hobby Lobby, because I wanted to buy some pearls/beads to sow onto the sleeves of one of my longsleeve shirts. I got the beads, thread, paint and little round mirrors. When we came back to the house there was some music playing  going on while I sowed the beads onto my sleeves (it turned out AWESOME), then we made dinner (spaghetti w/ tomato, mushroom & meatsauce) and then lit up the house with christmas lights and lit incense sticks, turned on some sweet music and got to work on the walls & ceiling -- we got like 8 new awesome colors at the store so we continued on our Sharpie-thing with paint and ned is doing this wicked optic illusion-arch in the living room.. I don't have the vocabulary to explain it, but it sure is awesome. I might photograph it when it's ready so you can see.
Then bedtime.
Sunday funday.. We were planning on going to church in the morning, but overslept. Had an amazing morning at the house instead, just hanging out, having breakfast and all. When Ned came home later on we all went to Goodwill where I got this book - A Million Little Pieces - for a single little dollar and seven cents.
The journey continued and we stopped in at the hardware store to get some pipes. Arts and crafts, it's amazing! ;) Back to the house. We hung out, there was music playing going on and after that we went on a walk around the mental institution that's right behind their house. When we got back we threw some chairs up onto the roof and climbed up and just sat there watching the sun set. After that it was foodtime, had leftover meatsauce & cheese on bread (shit, am I writing down totally unecessary things? Does anyone read this? Oh well, I like writing, remembering and yeah..) and after that we just took it easy for a while. 
And that's it for my wkd so far! Got back home in time to say goodnight to the boys which made me happy. Nowadays when I'm away all weekends I feel like I havn't seen them in an eternity once Monday morning comes along. BUT hey, let's look at it from the good side, it makes the weeks more fun when I get to miss them on the wkds. AAAH the wonders of seeing everything from the positive side! LOVE IT!
I can't wait for it to be this warm and even warmer all the time. I want to be here this summer too. Gonna work on that one. WAAAAAH I FEEL LIKE I CAN DO ANYTHING! And I'm going to write! It's what I want to do for now! Think, write, learn.. Oh yeah.
No pics this wkd either.. I don't even think I shot any. It's all so much more beautiful in my mind. You can't capture a feeling or a moment like that, and I hope that when I want to remember I can just read all that I've written and remember and relive these perfect days in my mind.

Eva Elvelin

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