Far. fucking. out.

Visas, applications, loans, phone calls, csn, questions, housing, green card, trips, legal or not, employment, transfer, eligibility, decisions, SEVIS, appointments, forms, photographs, scholarships, financial statements, sponsors, 3 months of summer in Sweden, interview, embassy


GOD I didn't think I'd have to go through all of this again but this time without an agency doing half of the work for me! AAAAH I know I know I know it's totally worth it but right now I don't even know where to start.


Did I ever tell you this (whole) picture has become a painting? Yep, a friend of ours did it and is unfortunately selling it.. Mom, buy it! OOOOOOH you totally need to buy it or no I have a better idea I'll ask him to make a huge one on canvas so that you can hang it on the big wall! Mm?

I'm feeling better, probably as a result of a combination of factors. New-inspired hope from my friends and family, free pie Wednesday at the Village Inn and just seeing Sonja & Spencer totally lifted my spirits.

There's a lot going on right now and there are many big decisions to make. I'm considering writing down all that's going on here, because for some reason when I talk to the people it matters to back in Sw. on the phone, I just can't seem to bring myself to say it. People already seem to know what my mind is set on anyway, so..
I'm just really happy that I actually think I know what I want to do, because that's a hard thing to figure out.


Prolly the first time I saw you drink coffe, Spencer.


PIE.

00.38-00.41

old pictures


Well, this is not THAT old. It's a year ago and I'm wondering why I didn't bring this dress?! I never used it!


This picture was taken two years before I moved here. Enough said.


School. Maths! ♥


I don't go to lan parties anymore..


Exhausted from moving around in that dress all night. (prom, in case you didn't get that)


We were all crazy scientists there for a couple of years


Two of the people I really miss.


That same night (as the last pic) some friends played in the living room. Now they play out in da clubs!


Cartwheels and handstands are always done best in grandmas and granddads kitchen. Always.


It might have been the same day that I made a gazillion cinnamon buns. I have to make a batch again some day soon.

The end.

..the future freaks me out, I had another nightmare last night (and I won't tell you what it was about) and today I found out that someone pretty close to me might have passed away.

It feels weird. Having so much to bring you down but to still be able to hang in there without any greater effort.
God bless America and what it does to me.
No, but seriously. My friends are just.. You're amazing.

I don't know what's happening right now really, I just feel.. haunted by bad things. For example,
a couple of days ago I found out that a relative died. Great.
the night after that, I had a really vivid nightmare (and I never dream!!!). I was in NYC with I can't remember who, and there was all sorts of new weird buildings there. One of which had an extended porch that wrapped around the top of the Empire State. There was a hole there in the porch, so that one could look down. Of course this hole was lined with a fence, but just a normal one and not a super high which is needed (take the observation decks at the ESB or at the Rockefeller center for example - it's practically impossible to get over those fences). You could practically touch the spire.
So, in my dream I was standing there, looking down, thinking about if anyone would ever think of jumping. Out of nowhere a guy jumpes over the fence and falls to the ground. In this dream, the ESB can't have been as tall as it really is because I could clearly see the sea of ruby blood spreading out on the ground.
I woke up after that, completely terrified. Could not go back to sleep for a long, long time. That must have been the worst dream I've had in years and years (literally).

Because of that, I was a little bit scared when going to bed last night. OF COURSE I had another nightmare. I dreamt that another relative committed suicide in a bathroom, with a NEEDLE.

I don't feel good. At all.


Around my neck dangles the ESB, the SOL, a heart and a 4-leaf clover

Just your average day at the Zoo.

Fred, I was going to dedicate this to you and write about our lovely supermarket trips together but when I was looking for pictures of you I ran across so many other funny (for me at least) pics and I just have to post them too.
Just know that I miss you.


Fred


In Freds car on our way to the nuclear plant


I used to work at an office and that was boring


What I did during my three years of high school (well yes I guess I did study some maths and english too..)


..and biology


I worked at a mall, which was also boring. Santa was right outside my store tho.


Another "I'm bored at the office" pic


Freezing in the car


Huge banana


Lucia celebration-whateverish thing in school


More school


More Fred


More work -- babysitting


More school -- me and Fred playing with generators/amps


I was super fit and danced ballet.. See those arm muscles? Mmhm.


Martin, Isabelle, Fred - school


..school?


Once I had brown hair. And I miss my cousins


I've always loved New York. This was taken years and years before I went there for the first time.


I was in a marching band


I had stuff over my bed my parents didn't like.. To think that that room is still there... Looking the same


Borrowing grandfathers Ray Bans


..And his jeans, when we were going to pick blueberries in the forest. Yes, that's him in the background ♥


National cheer contest in Stockholm


Missed cousin


Was this fun or what??

?!?!??!!!?!??????!?!?!?!?!????!?!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!!!!!

If you'd sum up my thoughts lately, it'd look like that.

Remember last week, when our attempted climbing trip to Boulder ended up becoming a tea tour? Well, we decided to try again this Sunday. The snow had melted away a lot and the sky was clear so the prospects were good, except for the fact that the sun had started to set. We made our way up to the Boulder falls (at this point, the sun was disappearing quickly behind the mountains), and from the road the approach seemed short and simple - maybe a little bit steep.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH we ended up hiking up the mountainside in the snow (I was wearing Thaddeus' Converse because I thought we were going indoor climbing so I only brought flats + climbing shoes! Yes they were too big and no you don't really get a grip on slippery rocks and snow when wearing those shoes). When the only source of light was the moon, stars and the two headlamps our little group was equipped with we decided to start making our way down again. I was seriously scared, because the hike up had been everything but safe and easy. The mountainside was extremely steep and didn't really provide many good holdings such as trees and big rocks, if lucky there was a bush or two (with thorns). We decided to not take the same way back because of the level of difficulty and also because we wanted to reach the trail at the foot of the mountain which you're really supposed to use when going climbing at that specific spot that we were trying to find.
After a couple of slips and near death experiences, we finally reached the trail that led us back to the car. OMG.
But despite being scared of not making it back alive (would I fall down the mountain or be eaten by a mountain lion?) it was a lot fun and a total thrill!!


The pictures soo does not justify the view, we were REALLY high up and it was pretty darn steep, let me tell you!


YEAH!


Thaddeus was happy! See how dark it's gotten?


Just before starting to make our way down


See Sonja down there?


When we finally reached the trail. Oops, guess we weren't supposed to hike there. Extreme danger.. Yep.

I don't really have a lot to say about it - it was simply great. Pics pics pics (mostly Sonjas):


The most fierce cop evah!!


Sean dressed as I don't know who and the snake HAHAHA


Tommy, Spencer and Tiv. I'm so glad you decided to come, Spencer.


Seems like the gun ended up in the wrong hands.


Mark <3 his beer




:)


1. I'm not drunk AT ALL even though it looks like it, it's just a bad shot - I was driving!
2. My dress wasn't really that short


Thaddeus as YouTube, I thought it would be funny to write my comment in Swedish. When I was about to write my mind was blank for a split second - I was like; how.. what.. I can't remember that language! HA!


Tony, Russ, Spencer with the awesomest boots ever (I know awesomest is not a word)



And that's all I want to share with you! ;P

Me and Gido had a little photoshoot during the boys bathroom break at the REI this Friday.
Love those kids.

Stay tuned for the next post which will feature pics from the epic HALLOWEEN PARTY!! The first of the two that was attended this wkd!

Action Packed Thrill Ride!





This was... Thursday, at the Lions Lair. And next weekend the Jim Jims are playing there. I'm spoiled with all this great music!!

I'm thinking more and more that I can't leave. That I can't leave America I've known since I came here, but now I'm thinking about Denver.